Highschool Daze
by Marijke Rose
Summary: Squidward and Squilliam met in band class, and they became best friends - never knowing that one day, they would become rivals. - My take on the two.
1. Bad Dayz

""  
2014 CMU Rated: Teen

They met in bandclass. They became friends, in fact, best friends. One day, the friendship would end and they would become rivals.

These are the voyages- ...Whoops! Wrong show! These are the stories of Squidward and Squilliam, two teen cephalopods in highschool. This specific part of the little series starts in their second year of highschool.

Disclaimer:  
Squilliam and Squidward belong to Nickelodeon/Hillenburg

Henry Hunter belongs to me.

Note: I have my own take on the two and their life at this time, and I didn't take any of this from anywhere else. To explain, the first thing you'll notice when reading my stories is that Squidward and Squilliam are NOT the same age, as would normally be implied. I have Squilliam as 4 years younger than Squidward, yet they are in the same year in highschool. I know, this makes no sense, and would likely never happen in reality, however I do have my own explanation:

Squilliam is pretty much a child prodigy, super intelligent and through a state test, was determined that he was too advanced for normal school and should be sent to an advanced/private school, however due to his circumstances at home (will explain this in a moment), he couldn't, so his only viable option was to go to highschool at 12 (skipping Jr. High).

Now, as for why he couldn't go to some plush, fancy special school for child prodigies, it's because his father is a total deadbeat dad, a drunkard, and they are NOT rich.

His grandparents were, and his father was to inherit, but he had a thing for alcohol and gambling. Squilliam's mother died at some point when Squilliam was very little (perhaps a baby, but I haven't decided exactly, either way, he either doesn't or only just barely remembers his mother), and after that his grandparents wanted nothing more to do with his father, since he wouldn't clean himself up. Then when they died, he was the sole heir of the Fancyson Fortune, but squandered it away on booze and gambling. So, Squilliam grew up almost in poverty and with an abusive, drunken dad.

However, in the school, he does his best to hide this as much as possible and, instead, come off as a rich person as one would expect a Fancyson to be, and what he plans to be. Of course, the teachers know, but they don't tell the students. He pulls it off because he's been able to save money here and there and spends it on nice clothes and things. He takes little jobs that might be offered to a 12-13 year old - you know, the typical jobs -like helping an old lady with her groceries, mowing lawns, or whatever. Also, his artistic talents are very good and he manages to sell art, including, eventually, paintings where he gets more money. When he starts highschool, he has a couple pairs of clothes, plus he knows exactly how to ACT like he's wealthy - knows how to bluff.  
(Also, this all is very hidden from his father, because if his father found out about his nice clothing he bought or money that he was earning, then he'd take it.)

So, in short, Squilliam had to really work, use his intelligence and push his charm, and pretty much live a double life.

Of course, the school bullies couldn't have this "little rich boy" just parading around the school as if he owned it, but they weren't going to bully someone who may have major body guards just waiting for him to press a button to summon them, so they spied on him sneakily. That is, followed him home and discovered his secret. That gave them the chance to blackmail him. So, they waited until the time was right, then caught him, pretty much kidnapping him, and confronting him with what they knew - including showing him where his house was to prove that they knew. They told him they'd keep his secret for him on the condition that HE does their homework for them and make sure that they get good grades. Of course, Squilliam has to agree, and does. (Also, they roughed him up a bit, during that - which I plan to write, so I won't explain.)

Squilliam is pretty much the most popular kid in school, because everyone thinks he's rich, and he knows how to charm, plus he gets good grades and does extra credit, but his best friend becomes Squidward, though he never tells Squidward his secret. And this bit explains a bit of how he manages it.

"Hey, Squiddy! Forget which way band class is?" Squidward turned to see the impeccably dressed young Squilliam Fancyson III walking up to him, one hand in his pocket, clarinet case in the other, a smug grin on his face and his black hair gelled and meticulously styled as always.  
"I have to bring something to the principle's office." Squidward answered simply.  
"Ooh, in trouble again?" The thirteen year old chided, laughing, and Squidward rolled his eyes.  
"Noooo! I just promised the teacher I'd deliver this." He held up a piece of paper.  
"Oh." The younger octopus said and the two began walking together. "Um, so.. what are you doing after school?"  
"I have to work today, I think." Squidward replied.  
"Oh, ok." The other sounded decidedly less cocky all of a sudden. "Can I, um, maybe come with and hang out for a while?" Squidward shrugged.  
"By the way, where were you yesterday?" He asked, for Squilliam hadn't shown up to school.  
"I was, um, sick."  
"For one day?"  
"Yeah, you know.. eating that poor people slop they serve in the cafeteria."  
"Why don't you just bring your own lunches? - Oh, here we are." Squidward knocked on the door, then entered. Squilliam stayed outside. He gave the letter to the secretary and left. "We need to hurry," he told the other, hastily. "I still need to fetch my clarinet." The two headed off for Squidward's locker, which wasn't far and that being the reason he'd been asked to deliver the note, for he was going in that direction anyway.

When they'd arrived at his locker and he'd retrieved his clarinet case, he turned and looked a little closer at the younger octopus for the first time, then blinked as he noticed something. "Um, is that a black eye?" He asked and Squilliam's face fell.  
"Ohhh, does it show?" He cried.  
"A little.." He answered, and the younger octopus retrieved a compact from his pocket and, to Squidward's shock, began applying powder to it. Once he put it away, Squidward could see no signs of the bruise anymore.  
"Better?" Squilliam asked and he nodded.  
"But, where would you get a black eye? Hunter started picking on you too?" To which Squilliam sharply shook his head as the two began heading back to band class.  
"No, I, um.. fell down the stairs yesterday."  
"Ouch!"  
"Yeah. I got a bloody nose, too." Squidward couldn't help it, and had to tease.  
"So, rich boys CAN fall down the stairs like normal folks! Astounding!"  
"Gee, Squiddy, I'm moved by your sensitivity."  
"Yeah, well, maybe if you wouldn't act like you're just all that all the time. Your paintings weren't THAT great."  
"How many paintings have YOU sold?" Squidward stopped and sighed sadly.  
"None, and you know that." Squilliam giggled and the two resumed walking. Yes, they were friends, but specifically this year, Squilliam had gotten really cocky.

In the next hall, they passed by Henry Hunter, who was apparently cutting class or on his way to the principle's office. The look he gave them sent chills up Squidward's spine. This meant he'd have to watch his back the rest of the day. Henry and his friends had singled him out for bullying since the first day of highschool and it'd still never stopped, no matter what Squidward tried. Even being best friends with the most popular kid in school hadn't changed that. He never noticed the slight shudder Squilliam gave after Henry'd passed by.

Once in class, the two took their places beside each other - as the two clarinets - and got their instruments ready. Both carefully and expertly assembling them and oddly doing so almost in sync.

After school, Squilliam caught up with Squidward at his locker and the two walked directly to the Krusty Krab where Squidward had taken a part time job as a cashier.

Squilliam ordered when Squidward was clocked in and on the cash register, then found himself a table where he pulled out his homework. Except it wasn't actually all his homework, some of it was Henry's, but as there was no name signed, no one would be able to tell. For Henry, it was math. Easy. What sucked, was the multiple answer questions. This pretty much meant that he had no work, just read the questions and the answer was given. That is, IF you knew anything about math which Squilliam did. As he boredly ticked off the the answers, 4, 4, 2, 1, 5, he nibbled at his food and sipped his soda. He tried not to let his gaze wander to his friend.

Finally, he finished the math, then pulled out the next bit of homework. Literature.. Boring. That meant, easy, and he quickly finished that one too. Squilliam was brilliant and talented, he easily understood all the concepts the teachers tried to tell. Anything he didn't understand, he could read in books and he spent a lot of time reading books. He aced all his classes, pretty much. His report card wasn't as hot as he wanted, but only because he didn't always turn in his homework. He didn't really mind, as he already had universities sending him applications to apply after graduation next year. His GPA was pretty much top - at least he was in the top five, and though he wasn't the first place, he certainly wasn't in last. He was the second best.

When he'd finally finished both his and Henry's homework, he had a bit of time to himself before he was done nibbling on his burger. The fries were gone, but there was still a bite of his Krabby Patty. No, he didn't like eating fast food, but it was all he could afford - as he really needed a tux, and was saving up for one. That alone irritated him, even. And, ok, it had the advantage of being the place Squidward worked. That was the biggest benefit. He was near Squidward. Oh, if only he dared to confess his feelings for him. But, no, he didn't dare. He was certain Squidward was het, and certain he didn't need anyone in school to know he was Had a thing for guys. He already knew what those bullies, Henry Hunter and his gang, thought of Squidward. They thought he was gay and used that as justification for picking on him even though it was obvious they were just looking for any excuse to pick on someone, and Squidward happened to become that because he was quiet, shy, a band geek and artist, who actually cared about school. A perfect target for a bunch of jealous lumps.

Squilliam Fancyson III looked around the restaurant again. Squidward was at the cash register talking to the fry cook - Jim, wasn't it? Squilliam wasn't certain. In a matter of minutes, the owner, a red crab, scuttled up to Squidward and spoke with him, then the two changed places. Squidward stepping out of the boat and the crab stepping in. The fry cook then handed Squidward a tray of food.

Squidward carried it over to Squilliam's table and sat down across from him. Squilliam noticed there were two drinks and, with a smile, Squidward took one and sat it in front of the younger teen.  
"It's a milkshake, I thought you might like one." He said as he began eating his own burger. "Strawberry was your fave, right?"  
"Thank you." Squilliam said nodding, then he reached out and took one of Squidward's fries, dipping it in ketchup and popping it into his mouth.  
"Squilliam.. why do you always have to eat *my* food?" He asked after watching him do the same with another fry. Squilliam had been doing this since they'd become friends over a year ago.  
"I told you, it tastes better when it's yours." The thirteen year old answered, taking another fry. With a sigh, Squidward shoved the fries towards Squilliam.  
"Help yourself."  
"Already am." Squilliam grinned.

The two ate a bit in silence, both secretly just enjoying the other's company and trying not to get caught admiring the other. This all was a bit easier for the older octopus, who was quite certain he was only attracted to girls and could more easily write it off to just being jealous of how puberty was treating his friend. Squilliam was still lanky and awkward, but his physique hinted that it was going to be a gorgeous adult's body eventually. A compact, muscular form was already very noticeable with the tight clothes Squilliam tended to wear. He also had less of a pimple problem than every other boy in the school and seemed to be a master at hiding the ones he did get.

As the younger one closed his lips over the straw and began drinking the milkshake, Squidward noticed something with a start. "Squilliam?" The other looked up at him expectantly, continuing to drink. "Did you know your lip is bleeding?" Squilliam stopped drinking and reached up, looking incredulously at the drop of blue blood on his suction cups and let out an irritated groan. Squidward took a tissue and reached out, dabbing gently at the blood then, at Squilliam's surprised look, felt his cheeks grow hot. "Sorry, it was just about to drip on your shirt.." He coughed.  
"T-thanks.." Squilliam said, taking the tissue from Squidward and pressing it against the wound.  
"So, um..." Squidward cleared his throat, hoping to deter attention from his embarrassment. "How'd that happen?" And Squilliam raised one side of his eyebrow, looking at Squidward as though he'd suddenly sprouted a second head.  
"From falling down the stairs, of course! What'd you think? That I go around punching myself in the face just for fun?!" To which Squidward sighed, feeling more than a little foolish.  
"Well, it could have been.. you know.. something else.. or someone.." Was his lame attempt to save face.  
"Like where or who?" Squilliam demanded. "Everyone in school adores me, even the bullies." Squidward sighed and nodded.  
"..And the teachers too.. Is that why you always have so much homework? I just saw you spend three hours straight on like ten different assignments."  
"I do extra credit, Squiddy. I'm trying to actually PASS my classes with top grades so those fancy universities won't regret having begged me to come."  
"They've begged you?" To which Squilliam nodded smugly.  
"They ALL want Squilliam Fancyson the Third, naturally!"  
"Let me guess, community colleges, right?" Squidward attempted the jab, forgetting about the fact that college/university applications would first be given out next year.  
"Hardly."  
"Or did your rich *daddy-dear* have to bribe your way in?" Squidward thought that was pretty clever and laughed at his joke. Squilliam shook his head with a chuckle.  
"Oh, Squiddy.. your jealousy-driven, but LAME, attempt at serving me fail by a LONG shot. Stick to serving me fast food, you're better at it." He pointedly grabbed another one of Squidward's fries.  
"You know I'm just doing this to pay for college! Unlike YOU, *I* don't have a family fortune to pay my way through life."  
"So, did you get accepted to the community college of YOUR choice, yet?" Squidward shot him a glare, but sighed.  
"I don't know.. We'll see what next year says, of course.." To his surprise, Squilliam didn't seem so cocky and instead fussed again with his lip which Squidward saw was still bleeding. "You know, I think I might have a bandage in my backpack.. I could go get it for you." Squilliam looked up, shooting him an incredulous glare.  
"You want me to go around with a bandage on my lip?"  
"No.. nevermind.."  
"Thanks, but no thanks." Squilliam grumbled as he held the tissue to his wound. A moment later, he looked up questioningly. "Squidward? When does your shift end?"  
"Huh? Oh, um, it already ended. I just have to grab my stuff from the back." He explained.  
"So soon?"  
"I only had a short shift today, because I have a lot of homework.. Not to mention, music." To which Squilliam nodded.  
"Um.. would you like some help? I mean, I've finished all mine, so I'm free."  
"Won't your dad be expecting you home soon?" To which Squilliam's face darkened ever so slightly.  
"No. And anyway, I'm not planning to go home right away. Besides, he's not even home. He's out of town on some big important business thing." Squidward just nodded.  
"Well, yeah, if you really want to, you can come over. We could practice together." They often practiced together, at least two times during the week or more depending on their schedules.

Once at Squidward's place, Squilliam had played his clarinet whilst Squidward did his homework. Squilliam even helped him with a problem here or there. Then the two practiced clarinet together. However, Squilliam got playful and after his antics caused Squidward to hit wrong notes, then reduced to squeaking, he set his clarinet aside and tackled the other, both falling onto the bed where Squidward tried to get revenge by tickling the younger octopus and demanding if he could play like this, whilst Squilliam struggled against the roaming tentacles that were attempting to tickle his sides.

Squidward hadn't meant to, but the little scuffle ended up with their tentacles entwined - as Squilliam was using all six to try and get the upper hand somehow - and they rolled off the bed. Squilliam's back hit the floor and Squidward landed on top of him, knocking the wind out of him as their hips and chests ground, and they lay cheek-to-cheek. Squilliam still had his tentacles wrapped around Squidward, but his struggles otherwise had ceased. Squidward quickly raised his head up and the other sucked air into his lungs, looking up at Squidward with a started expression and a hint of something else in his eyes that Squidward was unable to pinpoint, but it made his cheeks grow hot and he, quickly as he could, extricated himself from the other and moved off. He stumbled to his feet, sat on his bed and reached down to help Squilliam up. Then Squilliam sat next to him and..  
"Ohh.. it's bleeding again." The thirteen year old grumbled, tentatively fingering his lip.  
"Oh! Wait here..!" Squidward sprung to his feet and ran to the bathroom where he retrieved some alcohol and cotton swabs and another salve. He showed them to Squilliam who looked skeptically at it. "I'll just clean it with this, then I have this stuff. It's really good, it cools the burning and stops the bleeding." Squilliam nodded and Squidward poured some of the alcohol onto the swab. The moment it touched Squilliam's lip, the other jerked away with a cry. "Oh, come on!" He scolded as he tried again. "It is not that bad, and.. you.. Oh, would you hold still!?" The other kept dodging the swab.  
"I'm sorry, I can't help it.. Um.. Wait.. Could you hold me stil so i cant jump awayl?"  
"Well, this is weird, but ok, I guess.." The younger octopus scooted closer and Squidward put his arm around Squilliam's slender shoulders.  
"But, you have to hold tight." He said, slipping his arms around Squidward, then shutting his eyes tight as Squidward's arm tightened around his. "Ok, ready..!" He grit his teeth and Squidward exhaled.  
"You are *such* a baby.." He commented as he began dabbing the wound and heard the other whimper in pain. As Squidward continued, the arms around his waist got steadily tighter until the younger octopus was clinging with all his might. What Squidward didn't know is that it wasn't so much the pain of his lip, though the alcohol certainly burned something fierce, it was an attempt to hold back tears over this act of kindness and caring that Squilliam never got except from nurses... and they didn't hold him close. A show of affection that he secretly, terribly craved and never had gotten at home. "There, um, that part's over.. Now for, er.. t-this'll stop the burning.." Squidward faltered. He had to use both hands to open the salve and remove the applicator brush, then put his arm back around Squilliam and, hand under Squilliam's chin, he tilted his head back gently, not daring to look into the other's wide eyes. He then began applying it as the other grit his teeth in anticipation of more pain, gently brushing it onto the wound. Then he released Squilliam. "Um, y-you're done.. now; so you can.. er, let go.. of me.." He gulped as he recapped the salve and set it on the night table. Instead of releasing him, though, Squilliam cuddled up tighter, tucking his head in and pressing it against Squidward's chest. "Uh.. Squilliam.. what are you..?"  
"Please, Squiddy.." The other whispered. "Just-just hold me a little longer.. I-I don't feel so good.." With a nervous sigh, he put his arms back around his friend.  
"Um.. is-is everything ok?"  
"No." And when the other inhaled suddenly, his breath was shuddering. In the same moment, Squidward realized Squilliam was trembling.  
"Squilliam.. is something wrong?" The thirteen year old sniffled. "Are you.. c-crying..?"  
"Just shut up!" The other snapped, his voice cracking. Squidward, unsure of what else to do, gently rubbed the other's arm and back in what he hoped was soothing and not just awkward. He wondered if he'd done anything wrong. Maybe he'd hurt Squilliam worse than he'd thought during their wrestling? Maybe there were more unseen wounds from his fall yesterday?

After a few long moments that felt more like an eternity to Squidward, Squilliam finally eased up, withdrawing one arm which he began using to wipe his eyes, sniffling. "Squilliam? Did I hurt you earlier? I didn't mean to, I was just playing.."  
"No, you didn't hurt me.. I just.." Squilliam coughed and sniffled again, then fumbled around in his pocket for his handkerchief, he blew his nose with a groan. He cleared his throat and seemed to pull himself together, then released and drew himself away from Squidward. Still sitting on the bed, but head turned away. Squidward gaped at the wet spot on his shirt, affirming the younger one had indeed been crying. "You shouldn't have seen that."  
"I don't get what happened. Did that stuff hurt that bad?" Squilliam shook his head firmly.  
"No." Squidward tentatively reached out and brushed his fingertips against Squilliam's shoulder. Though Squilliam jumped slightly, he didn't pull away and, to Squidward's surprise, reached up and placed his own hand over Squidward's, firmly holding it in place.  
"So.. er.. what *is* wrong?"  
"You're a great friend, Squidward." He said, scooting back up close, though still not meeting his eyes. "I.. I didn't sleep well last night.. I had nightmares all night long.."  
"The same ones? About your mom's accident?" Squidward asked and Squilliam nodded, then shook his head. "Well, no.. I lied... Not my mom, this time.." He cuddled back up to Squidward, which was making the older octopus, who was NOT in the habit of cuddling with other guys, feel more and more uncomfortable. "This time it was about my dad.."  
"Your dad?" Squidward gasped, for his friend rarely talked about his dad and usually avoided the subject. Most of the time, if he ever said anything, it was just typical about how he's gone on business trips all the time.  
"I dreamed that he.." He paused for a moment.. "Had a bad accident.. that his plane crashed and he died in a fiery death." There was something in Squilliam's voice that gave Squidward the feeling Squilliam was hiding something, but he couldn't fathom what.  
"I'm sorry.. But I'm sure he's okay.. I haven't heard of any plane crashes on the news lately.. When did you talk to him last?"  
"The night before last."  
"Oh, well, then surely he is fine." And Squilliam began trembling again. "When is he supposed to get back home?"  
"I don't know.." Squilliam swallowed. "Where are your parents?"  
"Huh? Oh, um, mom's visiting my grandma until Sunday, and I go to my dad's next weekend."  
"You're here alone?"  
"Yeah. I would've gone to grandma's, too, but I have school and work." Squilliam seemed to be pondering this. After a bit, he looked at Squidward.  
"Um, you know, since both our parents are gone, why don't we make this a sleepover?" Squilliam asked suddenly.  
"What? A sleepover?" Squilliam did frequently spend the night, but that was on weekends.  
"Yeah. Then we don't have to be alone, you know?" Squidward shrugged. He didn't mind being alone, but he also didn't mind the idea of having his friend for companionship.  
"Well, ok, but then we have to seriously practice playing. I really want to get this new song perfected before the recital." He explained and Squilliam nodded. "So, no more poking or tickling me when I'm playing, understood?" Squilliam shrugged.  
"I'll try." And Squidward didn't feel convinced.  
"Ok, but the first thing we need to do is decide what to do for dinner. I was just going to open a can of soup, but there isn't enough for two and.. you'd probably want something that's not 'peasant's slop'."  
"Oh, uh.."  
"So we need to go to the store or something, before they close." Squidward stood up and checked his backpack for his wallet, then looked through it before pocketing it. He lead Squilliam out to the garage where his family's second boat was parked.  
"Oh, she lets you drive when she's gone?" Squilliam gasped and Squidward chuckled as he took out his keys.  
"Of course, but only for actual needs. I can't just go for joyrides all night long, and I have to fill up the tank." He explained as they got in and buckled up. He started the boat and drove off for the store.

They were walking down the aisles trying to decide what to buy. Squidward put some milk in the cart, then bread to make sandwiches for lunch tomorrow, letting Squilliam pick out some toppings he'd actually like. When they had breakfast and lunch items for tommorrow, Squidward stopped and turned to Squilliam. "So, what shall we make for dinner?" Squilliam eyed the fresh kelp leaves Squidward had picked up.  
"Actually, um.. Squidward?" He sidled up to him. "I.. can't cook. You see, um, we have cooks for that.." And Squidward rolled his eyes.  
"Yeah, well, *I* don't have that luxury, so we'll have to cook ourselves." Squilliam nodded.  
"Yeah, um.. so, what do you like to cook?" He asked, and Squidward thought it over for a bit.  
"Well, I'm nowhere near as good at cooking as your 6-star chef probably is, so I don't know if you'd approve. You just tell me what you'd like-" Squilliam stopped him by covering his mouth.  
"Squidward, you couldn't even begin to cook the meals I'm accustomed to, so instead of bumbling through stuff you've never even heard of, how about you just make whatever it is you like to make." Squidward sighed as Squilliam withdrew his tentacle.  
"I... I like cooking a lot of things, actually. Soups, pastas, filets, casseroles.. rice dishes and stirfries.. almost anything.. Desserts, too." Squilliam smiled.  
"Well, let's just keep it simple for tonight, since you still need to work on your song." He winked and Squidward nodded thoughtfully.  
"Then how about, uh, pasta? I have a great four-cheese cream... er, sauce!" Squidward said and the look on Squilliam's face had the two teens burst out and giggling immaturely.  
"I'm not sure I'd want to eat your cream sauce, though I'm sure your sock-puppets love it!" Squilliam snickered.  
"Oh, come on! Once you tried it, you know you'll never go back to any other!" He elbowed Squilliam who elbowed him back.  
"Only if you'll try my bratwurst first!"  
"Hey, I thought you couldn't cook."  
"No, but I can definitely grill your mouth with my bratwurst." The two giggled again, then Squidward wiped a tear of mirth from his eyes.  
"We are so immature! Come, let's get the ingredients together. We need pasta noodles, cheese, and, er.." He snorted. "C-cream, of course. And I have all the seasonings at home." Both snickered again.  
"S-so, Squiddy, what type of *cream* do we need? Because I have cream of calamari right here, it just takes a little work to get!" Squidward elbowed him again.  
"We're definitely not spoiling the dish with *yours*." Squilliam snickered.

As the two gathered the items, unsuccessfully stifling giggles the moment they found the cream and made more jokes about it, they realized they were having a great time. And they both agreed there was only one type of pasta for their perv meal, so Squilliam deposited the bag of noodles into the basket, both snorting. "You know, we should go shopping together more often." Squidward said as they took their place in line. "It was hilarious."  
"I had a blast too." Squilliam said.  
"Shopping is so boring, I could fall asleep." Squilliam chuckled.  
"Does your mom make you go often?" And Squidward nodded.  
"Though usually with her. But I would never joke with her over cream sauce and.. p-penne!" The two choked as they tried to stifle their laughter and ignore the disproving looks and grumbles from other shoppers.

They began unloading items from the cart onto the belt, and when it was time to pay, both went for their wallets. Squidward stopped him and received a protest, so Squidward said. "Look, I'll pay today, you can pay tomorrow." Squilliam blinked and Squidward smiled, then handed over the cash.

Once in the car and heading back to Squidward's place Squidward suggested something, explaining what he'd said in the supermarket. "If, um, you want to and it doesn't effect your schedule, you can stay the rest of the weekend.. if you want. We could even stop at year place right now if there's anything you need to pick up from home. You just have to give me directions to it."  
"No! I'm fine! I have everything I need for tonight and tomorrow.. um, so anything I'll need later, I can just pick up then. Besides, it's getting late and we still have to practice.. And make penne in cream!" He chortled and Squidward joined him.  
"Alright, so, that means you'll stay?" He asked when he'd stopped giggling, and Squilliam nodded.  
"It's better than wandering around a large, empty house by myself." Squilliam said.  
"Yeah.. You know, I could stay there with you, if you'd rather. Then you can have your fancy rich people commodities and sleep in your plush bed, but not be alone in a big mansion with only your maids and butlers and 6-star chefs and stuff to keep you company."  
"Keep dreaming, Squiddy. You know my dad doesn't allow me to have sleepovers when he's not home."  
"Or when he's there.." Squidward interjected.  
"He's strict! - Afraid you peasants would rob us blind!"  
"Have you ever even HAD a sleepover at your place? Ever? Even a rich one?"  
"Do we have to talk about it? It's not going to happen, not even in your wildest dreams." Squidward could tell his friend was getting fed up.  
"No, we don't. I just don't see where the fun is in being rich if you can't have friends over."  
"Yeah, well, there's a lot of things I wouldn't expect *you* to understand about being rich." Squilliam grouched.  
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about it? If you're having problems, maybe I could-"  
"Would you stop prying your big nose into things that it doesn't belong!?" Squilliam snapped.  
"Alright, fine. If you don't want to talk about it, then deal with your crap by yourself."  
"Thank you." Squilliam huffed firmly. They drove home in silence. Squidward mulling over why Squilliam always seemed to shut down. What could there possibly be that he didn't want to share with his closest friends? Squidward had no idea. Maybe Squilliam was just ashamed because Squidward wasn't rich like the Fancysons and his dad wouldn't approve. That had to be it; that was always the only explanation Squidward had ever been able to come up with since he met the rich kid.

He pulled into the garage and Squilliam helped him unload the groceries and bring them into the kitchen. As Squidward began unpacking and putting items away, he turned to Squilliam. "Do you want to eat before or after we practice?" Squilliam first shrugged, then seemed to reconsider as he looked at the clock.  
"I guess now."  
"Alright." And Squidward got out the pots. He filled one with water, added salt and put it on the stove, aware Squilliam was watching him. "Um, the water has to boil first, then the noodles can go in." He explained, wondering how stupid the rich kid would think that sounded. Squilliam just nodded. "In the meantime, I'll start the sauce. Is there any particular seasonings or vegetables you do or don't like?"  
"Huh?"  
"Because I sorta make it a little differently than the usual recipes. I like to add saut ed mushrooms, too." He said and Squilliam nodded.  
"Go ahead."

As Squidward began preparing the ingredients for the sauce, cutting the cheeses into smaller chunks as needed, he asked Squilliam to add the noodles, explaining he could use the scissors in the knife block. He tasted the water quickly, "Yeah, it's ready." He concluded aloud, then returned to what he was doing.  
"Um.. how much?" The younger octopus asked.  
"All of them. Just pour them in slowly so the water doesn't spla-" Squilliam shrieked and Squidward turned to see him leap backwards across the kitchen, the bag sinking into the water in the pot. He dashed over and carefully grabbed the corner of the bag that wasn't submerged in boiling liquid, slowly removing it and set it aside, then he turned to his friend. "That's why you're supposed to pour it slowly." He couldn't help smirking, the other glared from across the kitchen.  
"I've never done that before, ok!? I *tried* to pour them slowly, but they all fell in at once!" Squidward walked over to him as the younger one clutched his hand.  
"Alright.. Did you burn yourself bad?" Squilliam showed him and Squidward determined it wasn't bad. "It's alright."  
"It stings." So Squidward lead him over to the sink and turned on the cold water.  
"Hold your hand under this, it'll help the burn." Squilliam just did as he was told and Squidward went back to preparing the rest.

"Squiddy, aren't you taking home ec?" And Squidward nodded.  
"You know I am. You should've taken it too, it's actually really interesting."  
"Ew, no. - So, when are you gonna have to play daddy to a bag of flour?" Squilliam smirked at him and he groaned.  
"Ohh.. don't remind me.. That starts Monday, I think. But it's not a bag of flour, they have these baby dolls now that are more lifelike."  
"And who's gonna be the mommy?"  
"I don't know. The teacher will pair that up randomly or something.. I have no idea how that works. I think there's actually a questionnaire to determine most compatible or something.."  
"Ooh, sounds romantic!" Squilliam teased and Squidward groaned. "Wait, isn't Hunter's girlfriend in home ec, too?" And Squidward nodded. "Ooh, well, if you get paired up with her, I promise I'll come to your funeral."  
"Ohh, no! Oh, what if I DO get her?" Squidward cried, frantic.  
"He'll kill you! Slowly!" And Squidward moaned. "Maybe you should drop the class, surgeon generals warn that it is hazardous to your health to date a bully's arm decoration!"  
"But, I *can't* drop it! I need the grade!" Squidward cried. "And I wouldn't even be dating her anyway!"  
"Flunking all your other classes, eh?" Squilliam giggled.  
"No, but you know my grades aren't that great - especially with how many times Hunter's made me late for class, or steals and tears up my homework.." Squidward wined.  
"Does he steal your homework that often?" And Squidward nodded.  
"I have to redo the last two days of homework and have it turned in by Friday, for example."  
"Hmm.." Squilliam was thinking. Squidward walked over and carefully stirred the noodles. He'd thought of asking Squilliam, but figured it's best if the younger one stayed away from the boiling water for now. He thought of something else for him and opened the drawer, pulled out a can opener and handed that along with a can of chanterelle mushrooms to him.  
"Would you open these, please?"  
"...Canned mushrooms, Squiddy? Really?" Squidward glared.  
"I forgot to pick up fresh ones and it's all we have! Or do you want to stay here and finish cooking while I run to the store to get some?"  
"Canned mushrooms it is." Squilliam said and set the can on the table, he began opening the can with no difficulty. Squidward put his hands on his hips as he watched until, finally, he couldn't help it and had to tease.  
"So, the rich Fancyson kid knows how to open a can!" He laughed. "Ah-may-zing!" Squilliam glared. "Or did you cut yourself?" Squilliam finished opening it, dumped the water out and handed it to Squidward.  
"It doesn't take a rocket scientist, Dumbass."  
"Neither does adding noodles to boiling water, Dumbass."  
"I've never done that before!"  
"But you open cans a lot?" Squilliam turned away, huffing.  
"You know what? It's not like the cook is available 24/7 no matter what, so if I want a midnight snack, I have to get it myself!"  
"And you choose canned food?" Squilliam turned back to him, looking more than a little irritated with the other's teasing, arms crossed over his chest.  
"I'd like to remind you that tuna comes in cans! - Just like seanut butter comes in bottles! - And I happen like seaweed and tuna sandwiches at midnight, sue me!"  
"Okay, okay, okay!" Squidward said, then turned to add the mushrooms to the pan. "You really like tuna and seaweed sandwiches at midnight?" He asked over his shoulder.  
"Yeah."  
"Me too." Squidward admitted as he went over to check the noodles. "The noodles are about done.. It's time to start heating the sauce.." He turned on a smaller pot and added the cream and cheese. "But I'm going to have to keep a close eye on it, or else it burn.. it's really easy to ruin this sauce." He explained. He was secretly really proud of his recipe and hoped the other would like it too. It hugged him that he was using canned mushrooms, though. Squilliam watched as he did the motions, slowly stirring as the cheeses melted, then adding a little more cream, then seasonings.. Then a taste and a little more cream, stirring slowly and turning down the heat a little as he couldn't have it get too hot.

When it was finally finished, he strained the noodles, added a little butter, then poured the sauce and mushrooms in, and stirred them together. He got out two bowls and began filling them, handing one to Squilliam. "I really hope it tastes good." He said as he fetched forks and gave one to Squilliam as well.  
"You've been tasting it the whole time, so you should know." Squilliam said and Squidward blinked, then elbowed him.  
"I mean to YOU and your royal taste buds!" Squilliam shrugged and followed him to Squidward's room, where they sat on the floor, their backs against the bed for support. "Well, bon appetit!"  
"Buono appetito!" Squilliam corrected, smiling.  
"Whatever, just eat!" And the two took their first bite. Squidward felt he'd outdone himself this time, but was eager to see what his friend thought. After a couple bites, he was impatient. "Well?"  
"'Wel'l, what?"  
"How is it? Do you like it?" He asked.  
"Oh.. um, it's great.."  
"But?"  
""'But', what?"  
"You don't sound that impressed!" And Squilliam rolled his eyes.  
"Squiddy, it's great. Really!" Squidward sighed, feeling let down. He really thought it'd come out well, but Squilliam wasn't acting as enthusiastic as he thought he should. The younger octopus chewed a bite, then swallowed leisurely. He looked up when he realized Squidward was pouting at him. "Squiddy, it tastes really good, I'm not joking! I've never tasted it made this way before, so I was just enjoying it. But it's really good and, um, if you ever make it again, you have to bring me a portion!" He grinned at the seventeen year old. Squidward smiled.  
"Ok, if you're sure."  
"You have the best creamy penne I've ever tasted!" He snickered. Squidward felt his cheeks grow hot, but laughed along with the other at the joke.  
"See? I told you so!" Squidward giggled, then the two resumed eating, occasionally giggling.

_  



	2. Bottle Dayz

2014 CMU

This is two days later, when Squidward gets his Baby Project assignment from home ec.

Disclaimer: Squilliam and Squidward belong to Nickelodeon/Hillenburg

Henry Hunter and others belong to me.

Friday just before 6th period, and as Squidward Tentacles was at his locker fetching his clarinet for band class, the young, rich Squilliam Fancyson III had showed up and was currently doubled over, clutching his sides in laughter, to Squidward's utter frustration.  
"I don't believe it! A fish! You fathered a FISH!" Squilliam cried. "Guess we know who carries the dominant genes in *your* marriage!" Squidward groaned and glared at him.  
"I didn't father it! It's NOT a real baby!" He snapped, then frowned at the doll he was wearing in the baby carrier strapped to his front.  
"And you sure dove into the sack quick, you sly dog! Weren't you supposed to wait until Monday?" The younger octopus giggled again, wiping tears from his eyes. "Oh, and I just *love* your wedding band! SO classy!" He fingered the black band around Squidward's right wrist. "Couldn't afford a diamond, eh? And on the wrong hand, too! Decided to go German*, eh?"  
"I *thought* it was Monday! But the teacher said it was a weekend assignment. I'll be rid of it on Monday, though, thank Neptune." He grumbled as he retrieved his clarinet case. "And it's *not* a wedding band, it's something that interacts with the doll so that it knows when it's being taken care of by its mom or dad instead of someone else!"  
"Ooh! So, who's the lucky lady?" His grin was huge and Squidward groaned. "Ooh, don't tell me! It's Hunter's girlfriend, right?! Well, it was nice knowing you! Can I have your clarinet and stuff?" This time it was Squidward's turn to smirk as he set his case back in the locker for a moment, then he held up a second band, then quickly grabbed Squilliam's right arm and snapped it on his wrist before the teen could react, grinning wickedly; the band making a 'beep' as it activated.  
"You!" He announced as Squilliam gaped dumbfounded. "Congratulations, Fancyson!"  
"M-ME? I'm not in that class, you dummy!" He gasped, staring at the band in pure disbelief.  
"Yeah, but we've got an uneven number of students in the class and.. er... well..." His face and tone fell to ashamed disappointment. "N-no one wanted to be with me, so... the teacher said I could, er, just choose a friend instead." Then his wicked grin returned. "And since you're spending the weekend at my place anyway, I picked you!" Squilliam had recovered from his shock by then and was back to his smug grin.  
"Ooh, Hunter's *totally* not going to beat you up for THAT!" Squilliam poked him as Squidward picked his case back up and closed the locker. "So, can I have your clarinet and stuff?"  
"What? Why would he have a problem with that? You're not his girlfriend!" Squilliam snickered.  
"What do you think he does to queers?"  
"What?!" Squidward gasped, nearly dropping his case and Squilliam steadied his arm. "I'm not gay!"  
"Oh, Squiddy-dear.." Squilliam grinned, reaching to the lock, snapping it in place and spinning the dial for Squidward. "You've just given him yet *another* excuse to pick on you. Or does the class not know who you selected?" And this time Squidward did drop his case as realization hit him like a train. Squilliam deftly caught it before it could hit the floor and cause damage to the precious contents inside. "Oh, no, Squiddy, you didn't! - TELL me you didn't!" The younger boy moaned, unibrow persed in shocked accusation. Squidward groaned miserably and Squilliam glared at him. "You did! Oh, how could you be so *stupid*?! - With his girlfriend in the class? She'll never blab to him, right!? That's what you were thinking, huh? - Oh, you are a complete *idiot*!"  
"Oh, Shrimp!" Squidward cried. "I'm so dead! I'm so dead! I'm so dead!"  
"Yeah, congratulations! You've just confirmed what everyone already thinks: That you love sucking dick!" Squidward groaned, tugging at his long, blond hair in dread. "Oh, and thanks so much for dragging ME into it as your gay husband!"  
"Wife, actually.. you're the mother." He moaned in misery. "And I didn't think of - I only wrote it on the paper, I-I didn't announce it out loud! - I -"  
"Do *I* look like a chick to YOU?" Squilliam angrily cut him off.  
"No... of course not; but the baby's going to think you are, according to your wristband. One's a mom, the other's the dad."  
"I demand we trade." Squilliam placed the fist of his free hand on his hip.  
"Can't, sorry. Once it's on, only the teacher can remove it and only after the time is up." Squidward managed a slight smirk at Squilliam's expense despite himself. "So, Squilmina, you'd better go buy a dress!" Squilliam shoved Squidward's clarinet case back in his hands, then picked up his own which had been standing on the floor, leaning against the locker since his earlier laughing fit. The two began walking to class.  
"You and your weird kinks." Squilliam muttered, then, to Squidward's shock, looped his arm with the older teen's and leaned his head against his shoulder.  
"What the - Squilliam! Have you lost your senses? Just what do you think you're doing!?" Squilliam nuzzled his shoulder as Squidward tried to pull away.  
"Oh, if I'm gonna be your wife, then I do expect a loving husband!" Squilliam purred with a snicker.  
"Squilliam, we're not really married! Now get the shrimp off me!"  
"Oh, what nasty language, Darling; and in front of our baby, too! Tsk-tsk!" He admonished the other, refusing to let go. "By the way, is it a boy or a girl?"  
"Fuck if I know! - Now, would you get off me before someone sees us?"  
"Yep, you're *definitely* the dad."  
"And what the shrimp is that supposed to mean?"  
"You don't even know the gender of your own newborn! Plus all the cussing."  
"Ohhh, it's just a doll! I don't think it HAS a gender!" He snapped, by now absolutely furious with the other's teasing and regretting his decision of having chosen Squilliam. Had he known how much fun Squilliam would have over it, he'd certainly not have - not to mention, had he thought of what Henry Hunter was going to do to him on Monday, he would've abandoned the thought long before it had a chance to even form. Squilliam just giggled as they continued their way down the hall.

Suddenly, Squilliam halted in his tracks, stopping Squidward too. "Squilliam, what..? We're going to be late-"  
"Shut it!" He hissed in a whisper. He released Squidward and pulled his shirt sleeve carefully down over the wristband. "It's Hunter." He whispered and squared his shoulders, chin raised high as he usually held it. "Act natural." And then he began striding confidently ahead. Squidward followed, doing his best not to look suspicious. They came to an adjoining hall and, sure enough, there was Hunter talking with three of his cohorts, sharing what was most likely a joint. To Squidward's horror, Squilliam turned down the hall and sauntered up to the group. Squidward hung back, hiding himself behind the corner and peaking nervously around it.

"Well, just look at that!" Squilliam exclaimed, one hand on his hip and the other holding his clarinet case as all eyes turned to him, his hip jutted out and personifying pure smug confidence. "Trying to get expelled, eh, boys?"  
"Only if someone spills, boy." Hunter said, holding out some papers to Squilliam.  
"Hmm, give me a reason not to?"  
"We outnumber you." Squilliam chuckled and shrugged, taking the papers and stuffing them away in his clarinet case. He knew without looking that it was their weekend homework assignments.  
"Sounds good. Well, smell ya later - some of us actually have class to attend for last period!" Then he waved and turned around, heading back to the hall where he and Squidward resumed their way to class, this time Squilliam didn't hold Squidward's arm.

"What did he give you?" Squidward asked as soon as they were far away enough that he dared.  
"Nothing. So, just drop it and butt out already."

Band class went about as well as it always did and Squidward was glad it was their last class that day. He was even more grateful that, somehow, the doll had actually remained silent through the whole thing.

Afterwards, he and Squilliam both went back to their lockers and retrieved the stuff they'd be taking home for the weekend, then met back up outside, where they headed to Squidward's mom's boatmobile.

Once under way to Squidward's home, the doll suddenly started crying and Squidward groaned. The doll was in a carrier in the back seat, Squidward driving and Squilliam sitting shotgun, their bags in the trunk, including the baby bag with diapers, bottles, clothes, etc.. And the doll cried the entire drive to Squidward's house, causing him to have a seriously hard time concentrating on his driving. He did manage to get them home safely; and once parked in the garage, he began unloading. After that, it was bringing the doll to the living room where Squidward began trying to figure out what was wrong with it. Squilliam watched as he tried to feed it, to warm it, tried shaking a rattle in front of it - all with no results - whilst grouching and grumbling until he finally cursed and put the doll in the cradle, stomping off in total aggravation.  
"Where are you going? It's still crying." Squilliam called after him.  
"To.. make us a snack! - I can't deal with this!" He snapped and went to the kitchen, ignoring Squilliam's chuckling.

Once there, he began making some sandwiches for them and, at some point, realized he was listening to sweet, sweet silence. The doll had finally ceased its infernal cries! So, maybe it just needed to be left alone for a bit, he decided. With a smile, he finished arranging the sandwiches on a plate along with carrot sticks and a dressing to dip them in, then carried it to the living room. The sight he was presented with halted him in his tracks, his jaw dropping: The young Squilliam Fancyson was cradling the doll in his arms, cooing to it and looking entirely natural. "What the.. how did you.. wha..?" He stammered. Squilliam looked up at him, a self-satisfied grin on his face.  
"Why, Squiddy-darling, she just needed to be changed and cuddled a little." He answered, sounding perfectly pleased with himself too.  
"Oh, okay.. I guess.. Er.. wait, 'she'? How-how do you... know that it's, er, a 'she'?" He brought the plate over and sat it on the table. Squilliam snickered.  
"Why, Squiddy! Now, if you don't know THAT, then how did you manage to father her?"  
"Ohhh! I didn't father her! It's just a dumb DOLL!" Squidward cried in protest.  
"Although, I *do* have to wonder how two male octopi managed to have a baby fish together." Squilliam mused, gazing at the fish-doll which had a mint-green body with purple fins and blue eyes.  
"Ohhh, it.. it's adopted! I don't know! And we *didn't* have a baby together! It's a damn doll!" Squidward flopped on the couch frustrated.  
"Would you keep your voice down?" Squilliam hissed. "You'll scare her."  
"Oh, Neptune! I hate my life..." He growled under his breath.  
"Love you too, Hubby-dearest." Squilliam snickered and Squidward huffed, folding his arms over his chest in frustration.

At some point, Squilliam got up and placed the doll in the cradle, then placed his tentacle to his lips in a 'shh' gesture.  
"She's sleeping." He sat down and began eating with Squidward. The two watched TV - volume low, at Squilliam's insistence - and the peace remained for about two hours until the doll suddenly began screaming again. Squidward groaned and got up to go check on it. The first thing he figured, since it'd worked the last time, was that she needed her diapers changed. He laid her on a towel on the floor and undid her outfit, then tried to change her diaper; meanwhile, Squilliam knelt down next to him and watched as he struggled with it. He took off the diaper - 'Oh! She IS a girl!' he realized with shock, his cheeks turning bright red - and then reached for a new one, but Squilliam grabbed his arm, stopping him.  
"Uh-uh. You have to wipe her clean first." He grinned, holding a wipe out to Squidward.  
"Oh, er.. right..." He mumbled, snatching the wipe from Squilliam and then.. he folded. He didn't want to touch an anamotically correct doll there and remained frozen in mortification.  
"Well, what are you waiting for? Wipe her and get the diaper on and dress her before she freezes!"  
"I-I.. c-can't.. I don't.." He stammered, embarassed.  
"Oh, give me that and move over, you amature!" Squilliam snatched the wipe back from him and roughly elbowed Squidward into action. Squidward hastily scooted over, rubbing his assaulted ribs, and Squilliam took his place. "You do it like *this* - watch and learn." He said and began wiping the doll clean, put on powder and rediapered her with a fresh one, then dressed her and picked her up. "Now, *you* can clean all *that* up." He indicated the used diaper and the towel.  
"Um, but she's still crying." Squidward pointed out. Squilliam just shook his head in disbelief, took the bottle and a little blanket, then sat with her on the couch and began feeding her. That seemed to do the trick, so Squidward cleaned up and returned to the couch, watching as Squilliam took care of the doll. "Oh, did you know the diaper was actually wet? How can that thing pee?"  
"Never seen one of those 'drink and wet' baby dolls for little girls, huh?" Squilliam grinned at him.  
"I'm not a little girl. Besides, those pee instantly from what I've heard." Squilliam shrugged.  
"Well, this one's supposed to be more realistic, it must have a timer or something."  
"Oh.. Yeah, I guess.."

After she was fed, silence was enjoyed for a couple minutes, then the crying started again. "Oh, NOW what could she need?" Squidward cried in frustration, covering his face with his hands, then tugging at his long, blond hair. Without a word, Squilliam rolled his eyes and placed the little blanket over his shoulder, then held the doll to his chest, facing him, and began gently, but firmly, patting her back until the doll made an audible burping sound and silenced.  
"Dummy." Squilliam admonished him.  
"Well, excuse me!" Squidward grouched. "How was I supposed to know?! I don't have any baby siblings, as you might've noticed!"  
"Neither do I, Squidward." Squilliam pointed out, now cradling the doll in his arms and gently rocking it side to side.  
"Then how do YOU know what it needs!?"  
"Easy: Babies only cry when they need something, and those needs are all pretty simple - diaper, hunger, pain, too cold, too hot, needs closeness, or is sick. Go through those and you'll eventually hit the target."  
"And just where do you know all that?" And Squilliam rolled his eyes.  
"Were you born yesterday? By Neptune, it's not rocket science! - Besides, I babysit for Mrs. Stevens and the littlest, Simone, is almost one. Victoria's three and a half."  
"Well, fine! Looks like I picked the right mommy, afterall! I hope the labor pains weren't TOO horrible for you, Darling!" Squidward growled, sarcasm dripping from his words. Squilliam snickered.  
"Oh, you can make up for that *later*, Darling." He teased in a suggestive tone that Squidward hardly registered.  
"What? Me? Make up for..!?"  
"Well, it's obviously *your* fault for not wearing protection!" Squilliam chided, giggling.  
"Oh, you're just nuts! You've lost it!" Squidward was fed up, he stood up and left the room, bringing the empty dishes back to the kitchen. There, he vented his frustration my busying himself with cleaning up, washing the dishes and wiping the table and sink. Then he returned with sodas and, setting them down on the coffee table, he flopped on the couch.

After a few mins of silence, in which he'd managed to completely calm down again, he thought of something. "Oh, Squilliam, um.. the teacher said you'll get extra credit for doing this, since you're not in the class." He opened one of the cans and took a drink.  
"I'd hope so." Squilliam said and turned to him, smirking a little. "You know, maybe I *should've* taken that class."  
"Really? Well, y-you could.. next year, you know." Squilliam smiled pleasently. Then..  
"Psyche! Of *course* not! - ME? In home ec?" He laughed. "Uh, no way!" He snorted in laughter and Squidward rolled his eyes, muttering 'jerk'. Then the thirteen year old looked at the doll. "By the way, have you named her, yet?"  
"Huh? Named her? No.. It's just a doll, it doesn't need a name, does it?"  
"Then can I name her?"  
"Ohh, barnacles! Yes, of course! Whatever you want! I don't care!" Squilliam grinned.  
"Ok.. lets see.." He regarded the doll, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. "How about Ashley?" Squidward couldn't believe his ears.  
"Ashley? What kind of name is that?"  
"A girl's name, you dummy."  
"Ohhh," Squidward rolled his eyes. "We're octopi, we have, like, naming traditions or something!"  
"Yeah, but, she's a fish and they don't."  
"But it's still *our* baby, isn't it? And we only got a fish because they didn't have any octopi dolls." Squidward explained, Squilliam was grinning at him and, again, looking all too delighted. "Er.."  
"Ooh, so the deadbeat dad suddenly concerns himself with the naming of 'a damn doll', eh?" The younger octopus chided.  
"Oh, shut up! Then name it 'Ashley' if you want, I don't care!" Squidward folded his arms over his chest and fixed his gaze on the TV, huffing.  
"So, what would *you* want to call her?"  
"I don't care! I told you to name it whatever you want!"  
"..What was that name you called me earlier? Squil-.. -lia..? No.." He paused, looking expectantly at Squidward. "Squiddy, what was it? When you told me to get a dress?"  
"...You mean 'Squilmina'?" Squidward asked, smirking.  
"Yeah! That's it! That'll be her name!" Squidward raised his brow.  
"That's *your* name, Wifey."  
"Then she's named after her mother. Which actually totally fits: Squilmina Fancyson the Fourth!" He grinned at the doll, Squidward gaped at him.  
"Hey, you're the *wife*, so it's Squilmina Tentacles." He grinned smugly.  
"Oh, right! Ok, Squilmina Tentacles the Second, then!" Squilliam grinned at the doll. Squidward took a smug drink of his soda, content in the thought that he had won this round.

..Until he puts more thought into it and realises the only thing he 'won' was to encourage Squilliam's little 'RP'.

And, honestly, I wasn't planning on having Squilliam end up as his 'wife', but then it hit me and seemed like too good of a chance to show just how much of a loser Squidward is in highschool - not to mention, funny. It also could be kind of a neat bonus as a hint to their eventual future, Squidiam-wise. Also, ever since I've been working on my 'Elevator' fanfic, I've established my take on Squilliam as being good with kids, and if so, then there has to be a reason for that, which is explained here. (And Squidward's terrible with them.) 


End file.
